Rat's Country: Note to self...

Note to self:  do not retreat into the comfort zone of conflict and alienation.  In other words, don't let miserable be your comfortable.

Rat's Country: It's raining...

It's raining.  I would like to lie on the sofa all day reading self-pity books, while someone else keeps the fire going.

Rat's Country: As soon as I set a goal...

As soon as I set a goal, I turn into two people, the one who sets the goal and the one who has to accomplish it:  stern parent and truculent child.

Rat's Country: I could no longer swallow my resentments...

I could no longer swallow my resentments whole.  The heart burn was overwhelming.

Rat's Country: You held your heart open...

You held your heart open, that elevator door programmed to shut quickly.

Rat's Country: Sometimes waking up feeling cheerful...

Sometimes waking up cheerful can seem as miraculous as spontaneous healing.

Rat's Country: I'm tired of holding back...

I'm tired of holding back the impulse to be happy.

Rat's Country: What is more useless than...

What is more useless than a wet newspaper in the driveway?

Rat's Country: Windshield wipers in the rain

Windshield wipers in the rain.  That's what it's like:  blurry, clear, blurry, clear.  Focus on the fraction of a second when you can see clearly.  That's how you get down the road.

Rat's Country: Word Play

Sea change.  See change.

Rat's Country: Foreshadowing

I feel as if I am inhabited by an old woman when I have to get up to pee at midnight:  the wide-legged stance and flat feet as I walk unsteadily in the dark towards the bathroom door.